Monday, April 13, 2009

I'm well aware that everything is a far cry from all right

How pathetic of me. I can communicate. I have a functional set of vocal cords... they might not be able to sing as high as I wish all the time, but they can talk just fine. I have a functional set of fingers... they might not be able to do magic tricks very well, but they can type just fine. I have a functional brain... It might act strange every once in a while, but it thinks just fine.

How pathetic of me. There are people who don't have what I have, can't do what I do. There are people who's whole lives consist of misunderstanding and miss-communication just because they were born that way. Those people can't speak, can't type, can't think.

How pathetic of me. Is it wrong that I find myself wishing for the words with which to release the flood of emotion dammed up within my mind? The living, breathing, speaking, typing, thinking me is a miracle. This word is a miracle. And I am dissatisfied with a miracle. Even now I am blind to the amazing gifts that I have, blind to the skills given to me, blind to the people around me who are everything to me. I'm so wrapped up in myself and in what I wish I was that I fail to notice others who have made me what I am.

Thank you.

I've always thought that saying thank you after giving a speech was a gratuitous thing to do. I never stopped to consider how nice it is that people stop and listen to you speak for ten minutes. As an audience member, I've often felt compelled to say thank you to the speaker... but I never realized that it works both ways.

Why must I search for truth when I am blind? Truth is simple, truth is evident, but I can't see past myself to find truth. I have myself to blame for myself. I don't fight hard enough to get me out of my way either, I simply give up. I tell myself its not worth the effort to get over myself. I live in apathy, my values aren't misplaced, they just aren't valued.

Always apathy. How pathetic of me. How apathetic of me.

1 comment:

  1. We are our strongest adversary. Oh, the irony. And why should we be anything more or less than apathetic against a foe that is just ourselves? When we can't /make/ ourselves care, why waste the effort?

    Luckily it has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with Christ.