Monday, May 17, 2010

Who am I?

I'm Micah. This is my blog, where I write down my thoughts, write poems, post some pictures, share of myself. Now, for the first time, my blog posts are public on Buzz. I've been blogging for over a year, though, and some of the biggest changes in who I am have happened right here.

This is a plans post, kind of. It's a response to this, this, and this, kind of.

The next four weeks are about my sister. I can't even verbalize how I've been impacted by Bri, and - honestly - I've pushed away from her as she's grown up because I was afraid of being hurt when she left "for good". Now she's done with college, getting married, and I only have a few weeks while she's at home. It's not a lot of time to make up for four years of distance, but it's my fault that I wasted those years, so I'm going to do my best to stop being an acquaintance and start being a brother again.

This summer is about music. I'm in a band. It started only a short while ago, but it's already become a big part of my life, a big part of who I am. Artistic expression is important to me, and this blog used to be the only place I had for that. Now I have a place I can go to be with people I care about and we can corporately express ourselves. I think I would make an okay hippy. This summer is going to be about that band. That's my plan, anyway, I guess it sort of depends on what the other guys want to do. I want to make band more important this summer. That's means song writing, recording, maybe shows. That, plus going to England and getting a job, is what this summer is about. I want to get a job at the library... I'll let you know how that works out.

The fall is about L'Abri. I'm going to live in Canada for a few months, and try to figure out life. Some people I've told about that haven't really got it, or think it's a joke. One friend thought it sounded like a place that troubled teens get sent to. Another thought it sounded like a hippy commune. I guess it's a little bit like both things. Their incredulous tone makes me wonder how well they know me. I am troubled. I am unsure and I am curious and I am a bit of a hippy and I "still haven't found what I'm looking for." I want to say "I think I'll fit in", but all I mean is that I hope I find what I'm looking for. This fall might also be about a novel, because I have a "really good" idea for one. I'm not sure, with L'Abri, if I'll have time though, so that might be another summer thing.

The winter is about college. I can do whatever the hell I want with my life, and that's scary. When I visited colleges, I looked at their mechanical engineering programs, because that's something I've been kind of interested. They frightened me with their finality. Once you choose that major, it's over. Grove City's engineering program had exactly one elective. One. I don't want that, I'm far to unsure of myself to make that choice. So the winter will be about making college choices, hopefully my time at L'Abri will have helped my thought process a little. I still have an idealistic picture of my future, one that includes me adding something to the world. I want to contribute something! I want to make a difference! Honestly, the most appealing thought, at this point, is to become a teacher. Teacher's make a difference. I know they do, silently. But since I want to have a technical skill - Bachelor of Science - there's not much point in worrying about teaching until I've finished undergraduate school. But I could be anything, I could be an engineer, a businessman, a hippy, an astronaut, (if band works out) a rock-star :P There is nothing I can't do. In a way, I'm glad that I don't have to know all this stuff now. I still wish I did, though.

That's all I know. The future, after that, is completely unplanned. Blank paper. No line on the Horizon.

1 comment:

  1. This reminds me of a line from That Hideous Strength . . . "Mark reached the point where he began to be a person."

    The future is very scary, but your close future seems really exciting. I hope you become more solid, and learn a lot!

    "I still have an idealistic picture of my future, one that includes me adding something to the world." I know how you feel! It's so hard to know what that is, or what it looks like. Or how much of a difference making a difference even makes!