A conversation between my father, myself, and myself.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,

Will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

This is an ironic intervention

Self warns self of inner tensions

Intimates incensed intentions

"you can't do everything yourself"

I tell myself and help myself

"let others be for you, and you for others,

for your father mother sisters and brothers."

But I'm so tired of asking questions

so tired of not knowing - and not knowing -

and not knowing where I'm going

So tired of trying and not trying

tired of this and that or that and never surety

Was there every such a disease as expectations?

I took upon myself everything I could and could not carry

I took upon myself to bury my doubts

And on that ground proposed to marry

To lay the rings and say my vows.

"He is no lover who does not love forever."

Humbly kneeling, eyes down and gazing upward.

If this is impossible I shall remain a lonely bachelor.

The webbing stretched across the sky

Connections crossing star-crossed eyes.

I can think of nothing but thoughts

and do not wonder but ignore.

I can cram and compact cross-sections and intersections,

But an unpayable toll in both ears,

And a warden seated on my tongue,

Imprisons the heterogeneous soup

And sips but does not swallow

Fills but remains hollow

Distracted, lets go of what it questionably held.

Before a wooden crucifix I prayed

And found God even in its splinters.

But when I questioned

He gave such cryptic answers

and questioned my incensed intentions.

I found a wanting; I don't know where.

But I'm so tired of asking questions

I shall not shout anymore

I shall not disturb the universe

I shall not dare. I shall not dare.

"Teach me to care and not to care."

A fisherman in faith put forth his nets all night

And caught nothing.

Then saw his lord upon the shore

And cast his nets in faith once more.

So he breakfasted with Jesus.

Our Father in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name

Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on

earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day:

An answer, or remain silent and answer.

Let being be what seeing cannot see

Let grace replace sufficiency.