Not, like, in an "i object" sort of way. I just struggle to worship. There was a worship service tonight (at COLLEGE!); I stopped by for a little while, listened to some songs (great basist) and then left. I just. I just don't get worship. I never feel it.
It always seems like worship is about feeling a certain way. Having this feeling and being moved by it: to close your eyes, to sway, clap, dance, jump, breath, praise God. And I never feel like that. I always stand, watching the performers and wincing when the lyrics become to repetitive.
But maybe the problem is with me. Walking back from the worship service, I was thinking about it, and why it's always so hard for me to be in worship services. I think, maybe, it has something to do with the way I view God; and - deeper - with the kind of person I am (but, maybe they're not such different things). I try to understand things. That's what I do. I solve problems, I understand things. But you can't understand God, I know that. I've let go of that after years of trying. But I still automatically box the world into what I can understand. And that includes God. And a god that can fit inside my head isn't much worth worshiping.
I frequently remind myself that praise is obedience, even when I don't "feel" it.
ReplyDeleteI also frequently have "it's not you, it's me" conversations with God. It's getting a little ridiculous.
"And a god that can fit inside my head isn't much worth worshiping." That does make sense, Micah.
ReplyDeleteI think of worship as a reminder of truth, and sometimes I respond feelingly to truth. And I don't want my worship to be insincere.
I hope college has been good so far!