So I was driving to frisbee with my brothers in the car with me and we were laying down some sick beats. Jay was rapping and I wasn't paying much attention to either my speedometer or the cars in the other lane. Thus, I failed to notice the police car approaching until it was too late to reduce my speed to anything less than nineteen miles above the posted speed limit. Surprisingly, I handled it really well. Like. I didn't even swear.
Then, at frisbee, there was a quick turnover and I spotted an undefended player completely open in my endz0ne. I paused just long enough to mutter the f-word before taking off to cover him.
What is it with competitive sports and making me swear? I feel like such a screw-up. The only time I ever use the f-word out loud is when I'm playing competitive sports.
Following the policy of my soccer coach of two years ago, I later benched myself for the rest of the game on account of my profanity. I sat in the grass being bitten by mosquitos, watching everyone else play a game I love, and feeling like crying because I was having a really terrible evening emotionally. The weight of having to go home and tell my parents about getting a speeding ticket, as well as the unspoken shame of having failed once again to keep my language in check bore down on me like a train bears down on a stupid metaphor.
I don't know how to stop this. Other than not playing frisbee. I'm so angry with myself.
I've had similar experiences with both of these areas. I'd rather not talk about the being pulled over one, but last summer was my first time playing paint ball. Right after slowly and suspenseful walking into the battle field, my teem was ambushed, and as I scrambled for cover, I lost control of my vocabulary...
ReplyDeleteI was so mad, and disappointed in myself. It's always been a big part of my upbringing and my personal standards to keep the vocab clean, and in 30 sec I blew it.
Thank God for grace- that He not only forgives, but also sets us free from whatever weighs us down, and empowers us to defeat it. He has helped me with so much more than the vocab issue. Don't be discouraged, you don't have to feel stuck.
A kid came into the store the other day to buy some ridiculously expensive headphones, and he didn't know how to write a check.
ReplyDeleteI live in mortal fear of being pulled over or ticketed. I've started using my cruise control so I get better gas mileage and don't have to worry about keeping track of how fast I'm going. [My route to school is littered with speed traps - so stressful!] Anyway. I'm sorry you got ticketed, that must suck. :(
We are reminded of our weakness not so we can ruminate on how we've failed, but so we can reflect on how great the Father's love for us. Our weakness is only half of the picture, His grace is the other half.
The tough thing about swearing is that when you hear it /everywhere/ it sticks in your head. And when you lose control of your thoughts, it's so quick to slip out. Maybe you don't need to stop playing frisbee, maybe you just need to stay super good at it. ;P