hands

Taking matters into your own hands, my own hands.

Life would be a lot easier if every time we did it it went wrong. It would be easy to trust in God if every time we did things worked out for us and every time we didn't things went badly for us. But that isn't what happens, sometimes when we do things our way, it works out. Sometimes when we trust God, things don't work out like we expected them to, so we think that they went badly. So trusting God in all things isn't easy, it isn't easy because our idea of "working out" isn't always the same as God's.

Sometimes, when things aren't going right, I start putting more effort into them. Like Boxer, when I care about getting a result, when I have a goal, my answer to every setback is "I will work harder." But to do that is to trust in my own efforts, to take matter into my own hands. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

I wish it never worked. If my way never worked, if my will never worked, it would be easier to pray "Not my will, but yours be done."

It's a wonder that I even trust matters to my hands. These are the hands that are covered with blood, the hands that work evil, the hands that killed Christ. These are the hands that accepted thirty pieces of silver, these are the hands that return the blow instead of turning the cheek. These hands, these despicable hands, for all the evil that they work, are also the hands that clasp in prayer, the hands that can hold up a brother.

These hands perfectly express the dichotomy within me, the ability to work good or evil, the ability to work for selfish or selfless reasons. Why I place matters into these hands, hands who's actions I can never really know, I don't understand. But I do, because it's easier than praying "Not my will, but yours be done."