Thursday, July 30, 2009


I do not, in general, have a problem getting out of my box.

Actually, I'm not sure if that's true. It may simply be that I've expanded my box, made it bigger. I prefer that analogy, actually, that of expanding my box than that of getting out of my box.

The reason I prefer to think of making my box bigger is because I think that some behavior is not acceptable. There are things that are and should be "out of my box". If I "get out of my box" I feel like that means I'm saying anything is acceptable, and that simply isn't the case. So I like to say that I expand the box, make it bigger so I can be bigger.

There are some things that I've allowed into my box that I'm not sure should be there. Sometimes, I go to fast when expanding my box and I break down one of its walls... when that happens, things come rushing into my box. Things that shouldn't be there. Mostly theater related things, actually, when I have peer pressure and directorial pressure to adjust my behavior in a way that I'm not (and sometimes shouldn't be) comfortable with.

I like being stretched as a person, I like having my box expanded... but sometimes I get out of the box. There are things outside the box that should be in my box, but there are also things that shouldn't. I'm not sure if there's a way to get the good without risking getting the bad, but since I can't see one thus far, I guess I'll just have to keep on my guard and continue venturing outside of my box in search of the good that can be found outside of it.

And the bad that has found its way into my box? I have to work on getting rid of that too. Living inside of a box isn't always fun. I have a huge box, sometimes I get lost in it and I find myself somewhere I never meant to be. Sometimes though, I find a new and exciting part of my box, a good place. That's always fun. It's an adventure, being human. It's a trial and a joy, I guess, sometimes fun and sometimes misery. I like it, I guess.

(Saying it like that, like commenting on the weather, makes it seem so trivial. But that attitude almost feels appropriate to me)

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