Monday, April 27, 2009

Random thoughts.

I wish that knowing that there's a problem with you wasn't part of fixing the problem. I know it is, I know the disappointment with myself is the first step toward rectifying it, but it sure can be depressing.

I wish life was more intelligible, that I could unify all of the thought going on, could find a pattern somewhere, that I didn't have to try and decipher it. I wish for a pensive.

I wish I was better at letting people know how amazing they are, how much they mean to me, how much I love them.

Whenever I wake up tired, I always wonder why I even bothered wasting my time in sleep. There's so much more that I could be doing with my life, why waste time in sleep, why let slumber steal my life? If I wanted to make a difference, would I really be so selfish? Sometimes when I feel really awake, I wonder what it took to get that way.

My mom is doing a walk for life. The walk part doesn't really mean anything, all the donations are set, there's no reason to walk. It's sentimentality. But she's going to walk a mile and a half to make a statement. But what if walking really could prevent abortion? What then, then, then we should be walking until our shoes wear out, until we fall down from fatigue, until the night falls, until the miles become blurred, only knowing that we must keep walking, walking or somebody dies. That's a walk for life, it's a voluntary death march.

(I had so much more I wanted to say, so much more that's on my mind, but I need to think more.)


  1. I'm doing a walk for life, too, and it hadn't even occurred to me until now that actual walking doesn't do anything. And really, does the fundraising do anything? All these charities . . . if money solves the problem then what are we waiting for? Why do we still have a cent to our name, why is a tythe only 10%? Obviously, because money doesn't solve the problem. But in the face of this screwed up world, why are we never desperate enough to DO something?

    It's all very difficult. Thinking and doing and loving. So very difficult.

  2. I wish that knowing that there's a problem with me was fixing the problem.

    So often, I figure out what my problem is, but I don't want to do anything about it or give up my sin.

  3. I tried the not sleeping thing, and then I realized that I first needed to have energy in order to do all of those great things.

    I wonder, did Adam and Eve need very much sleep? I know it says that Adam fell into a deep sleep, but God made him do it. Just snapped His fingers and it happened. It seems like the things that keep us from doing good works 24/7 couldn't have been a part of God's original design.

    But what are we doing whining about not being able to stay awake forever if we aren't even using the time we have now for Him? It's a good question. This could be a whole post... I need to think about it more and then come up with something a little more coherent.