Disjointed mediocrity

There has to be something,
a word can't be what's believing.
There has to be something,
I can't believe there's no meaning.

So cast me aside, leave me behind.
it doesn't matter if there's nothing to find.
So beat me up, burn me to the ground
I don't care if there's nothing to be found.

Am I doomed to never know,
will my life be give and go?
Never sure what's coming later
Never sure just what I'm after?

Why is faith so easy? Living breathing taken for granted, existence an assumption, believed in, unproven. It comes naturally, only learned behavior can tell me that my own life might not be. Only hard thinking can tell me that thinking might not be. To decide to believe that what you believe might not really be there for you, a hard decision. Faith is easy, easy as living, as easy as breathing as waking as living. Sure that your reason is right, that it can bring you meaning.

Why is faith so hard? Hurt and angry that your reason can't find you meaning all by itself. Hurt and angry that it takes faith to find meaning. Hurt and angry that the existence you believe in isn't enough to provide you with meaning. Hurt and angry and hardly believing that you have to believe something more. Faith in something other than reason, realizing that your reason is not complete, an insult to your intelligence, a challenge to your belief. You have to take it on faith, and that defies the thing you've already taken in faith.

Why can I believe in the air I breath
when meaning is the oxygen I need?
How can I bring myself to eat
when the emptiness is deeper in me.

I accept this life without any proof
but refuse to put faith in truth.
I want a reason, not faith,
Why don't I see it can't work that way?

Through faith, I accept that my doubt exists. It is this believed in doubt that keeps me from faith.
How can things be this way?