Friday, February 13, 2009

Philosophy, Packed lunch, and azimuth control

Even my thoughts have slowed down.  The throttle is open wide on my life, I'm going all out, food and sleep have become luxuries that I don't have time for.  I've been told "You don't seem to realize that you can't do everything", but I'm trying, and I haven't cracked yet.  Einstein theorized that when you approach the speed of light, you gain mass, so that to actually travel faster than light you have to have infinite mass.  Physics at work, the faster and more furiously I'm going, the heavier I seem to become.  And my mind is on autopilot, even these words feel false, generated by a computer, my mind has stopped thinking and is simply functioning.  Everything is habit, but nothing is habitual.  Everything has method, but nothing is methodical.  The madness surrounds me, envelops me, and I embrace it because it makes the task easier.

The street sign said "You'll work your whole life and still never finish the job." and at that moment my efforts over the last few months became meaningless.  I'm working hard, and a one-liner on an auto-body shop can deprive the labor of meaning.  Something is wrong.  It's probably me, but I can't even think about it.  I swear, I'll think happy thoughts again when I've done some sleeping.

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