Friday, June 15, 2012

Okay, so I sort of missed a week.

2 Chronicles 16:8b-9a
Yet when you relied on the Lord, he delivered them into your hand. For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.

I like this verse because it talkes about what sort of god God is. Sometimes, a lot of the time, I don't see the point in praying, I don't see why we ask for things because I've never seen God do anything to answer prayers. I've seen a conspiracy of circumstance answer prayer. Prayer is hope, it's an expression of honest desire, but it doesn't do anything. Sometimes, a lot of the time, I believe in a theistic or deistic god; a god who made the universe but doesn't interact with it any more. At least not like it used to.
I like this verse because it totally contradicts that. In Gatsby, the prevailing metaphor for God is that of eyes. Eyes that observe but don't do anything. And here, the scriptures tell us that, Yes, God has eyes that look, but those eyes are active, they run about and empower. This God isn't a mere observer.

And after the hit-and-run
Under the eyes of Dr. T.J. Eckleburg
Old Owl-Eyes knelt down
And began to administer CPR.

It's hard, though. Because the passage is talking about the reign of Asa, one of the kings of Judah. The seer delivers this message to him (in the above verse), and he gets so angry that he puts the guy in prison. And then he keeps reigning and oppressing the people. He gets a disease after three years, seeks the help of physicians, they can't help, and he dies five years after the seer. Then he gets a great tomb in his honor. It's like what the seer said didn't matter. Asa kept living his human-events sort of life and died in a very human-events sort of way. Where was the active God in that?

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I got lifeguard certified this last week. It was pretty easy, actually. A lot of swimming though.

Amanda, at camp, went in for surgery a few days ago. The weird part is that I don't even know what's wrong with her. I think Leukemia, she was getting a bone-marrow transplant. She's responding well to medication, but she's in a lot of pain. The night before she left - and mind, I barely know her - I told her, "Don't die. Because that's scary." And she told me, "Yeah. You have no idea how scary."

I'm scared of dying. I don't think I'm really scared of death. But dying - it just seems like it's always such a painful, undignified process. Whenever I'm confronted with dying, I wonder why it's not me who's dying. I mean, I am dying. And I will die. But there seems to be much more of the random than the probable in deciding who dies when. Becca (camp becca) might lose her first grandparent. I've only got one left. There's all these statistics that say the average life expectancy is this much and the probability of surviving this disease is this much. If you've watched 50/50, tell me about it, I'm curious about whether or not I should watch it (no spoilers).

Anyway, all the randomness makes it hard to believe in a God who has a plan, and also makes me want to believe in a God who has a plan. I want to believe that every disease comes from preventable causes, and that if I don't smoke I won't get lung cancer, if I don't drink I won't have liver problems. I want to believe in easy realities, but I don't think those realities are accurate.

1 comment:

  1. yeah, I don't know why I was thinking leukemia if she has bone problems. Maybe osteosarcoma. I'm waiting for a good time to ask.

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